I am tired, and it is late, and I miss you. This is the longest time we've spent apart since we moved in together, and we still have another week to go. Some space is what we needed. I am feeling how much I love you, how much I ache for your presence when you're away. I think it's important sometimes to take a step back and take a look at the situation. When you're always together it can be easy to take advantage of the fact. I miss your stupid face.

Tonight I was driving into the city with Mom and we were talking about you. Talking about you always makes me feel lucky to have you. We have something wonderful. I am ridiculously lucky to have you.

Part of me is disappointed that we won't be able to spend our second Christmas together, but at least we had our first. I can only hope we will have many more to spend together.

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Finally feels right.

Dear J,
Finally we are moved out of that basement suite and we have the cutest little loft apartment. I couldn't be happier with our place. I know moving was a little stressful, and getting everything unpacked is a bit annoying too. I know sometimes I get snippy and frustrated during all of this, and I'm sorry. I just want us to have the perfect little home. I know you're more relaxed then I am about all of this, and I appreciate your patience with me. I know it's not always easy.

I'm so excited for all the new possibilities and things we can do! I can't wait to have baths with you in our giant tub, and sip tea in the cold on our lovely balcony. I can't wait to walk down the street to the farmers market, and grab lunch at a little hole in the wall restaurant. I already feel happier than I was. I want to keep being happy. I want you to be happy too.

I love you so much. I am looking forward to our thanksgiving trip next weekend. I'm looking forward to every tomorrow with you.

B

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Coming together again.

Dear J,
You would laugh at how cliche I look right now. I'm sitting in a Starbucks with my laptop and my piping hot pumpkin spice latte, and I'm writing a love letter. I'm right by the window and I'm watching all the cars drive by, and I'm watching all the very interesting people you meet on Whyte Ave, and this moment, simple as it is, brings bittersweet tears to my eyes. Because right now, in this moment, I am so blissfully happy.

Things are looking up again. I just met with Bonnie & we talked about picking up the keys to the new condo on Monday. I am ridiculously excited to finally get out of our crumbling suite and into such a beautiful new home together. In prime location. There are so many things that I've wanted in my life, above all was to be a creative person, live a creative life. I've never really hoped to end up in Edmonton, but for right now, it seems it's right where we need to be. To be able to walk down the street and know there are so many cool little restaurants and shops, a few theaters, the farmers market, the European cafe that does poetry night, more yoga studios than I could ever possibly need, that makes me so hopeful. Hopeful that I can get back onto the creative path I've seem to have fallen off of recently.

I want to make beautiful things.

I want to make beautiful things with you by my side.

I couldn't have picked a better partner. I couldn't be more blessed to have you by my side through all of this.

B

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One of these days..

Dear J,

One day you are finally going to get a link to this blog, and you'll shake your head. But you'll smile, you'll read, and I think you'll appreciate. We've gotten through our first year together and it's certainly been an interesting journey. Sometimes the road gets rocky when we hit bumps in the road we haven't anticipated, but I hope you will one day be able to use this when you need it most, to guide you back to smooth sailing. You know I express myself best through writing. I'm much more articulate. I hope what I write is what you need to hear.

It's going on 1AM and you're asleep next to me; doing that thing where you slowly inch up closer and closer behind me, so that when I finally do go to sleep, I'll have a sliver of the bed (but your arms wrapped around me).  It's a weekday, so needless to say you work in the morning, and I'm still working crazy hours so I'm up til all hours of the night. Opposite schedules make it hard to see each other often, but I'm doing my best to fix that. I miss you a lot. Even though I get to see you every day. Even if it is just while you're asleep next to me. Our relationship has undergone some changes since we moved in together, and admittedly, I am still adjusting.

I must say that I am incredibly grateful for your patience. My life feels very confusing right now while I decide what steps I want to take as I venture into adulthood. Sometimes I feel I am still too naiive to really make such decisions for my life right now. I am scared, and not quite myself at all times. But you're always here. Sometimes frustrated with me, yes, but you're here. You're sticking it out with me. I couldn't ask for more.

I am in love with you, no less than I was a year ago today.

B

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